Were but my world contained
in a note of music
I would be ever satisfied
ever filled on harmony
riding on eternity of living
in all the fullness of affirming
breaths in and out.
But chaos consumes when that note
is seduced by the ugly pride
and runs wild with its tentacles
in open fields of weeds
seeking something… anything
to latch on to
hissing out its poison
hurting anything its path.
Oh, Most High
my heart, my head, my spoken words
would your love unite
until my dying breath
that I may never again wallow in regret
instead be only praises
on the melody that beckons the living
in the ever and a day.
Throughout my life has been a habitual process of beating myself up when I screw up and it creates a spiral leading to nowhere good and fast.
Studying the scriptures and living in a prayer of asking the Holy Spirit to come alive in me every day has been extraordinary in transforming my life and how I interact with people. With the focus on love, I try to remain, but there are circumstances that test me and I will be honest, I fail – gloriously.
Recently, I experienced a moment my ego, my stubborn pride wanted to make a point and I didn’t have the fortitude to suppress something that was the opposite of love. I hurt someone dear in this pointing out. I didn’t build her up as scriptures tells us to, and I might have felt justified in the moment, but boy was that moment short lived because I stewed and stressed about it for all that day and the next.
“So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.” ~ Romans 14:19
Hurt feelings. My mind was spinning it over and over. My heart and body was not happy. That’s what I accomplished.
Not only did I finally (hopefully finally) get that it was not worth it to give my pride the floor, but another opportunity presented itself. I could continue to let my misguided ways fester or I could give it to God expressing my sorrow and ask him to make it right, or use it for his good purpose.
In that giving, there came peace in knowing it was in his hands now. There came ease and softness with myself, which was a welcome gift.
I can live in the knowing that more opportunities to learn to be and speak with love will come. I also know I’m not always going to get it right, but I’m sure going to work on emulating that love.
Poem: The Everlasting Note by Kiernan Antares
