Hello my beautiful readers… welcome to this refuge… my sanctuary to write the words of my heart and soul… whether fingers to keyboard or brush to canvas… I give everything I am to God and to serve you… to touch that place inside of you that longs to feel… to really feel… and to live… to really live… within the fullness of grace and beauty and joy beyond all understanding.
Swoon! Yes, please do!
I’m here to tell you that all this is possible. It’s not some pie in the sky dream, something to always strive for and never experience.
How do I know this? It’s not a wishful desire or statement… it’s true because I not only believe it, but because I’m living it… I’m breathing it every day.
Of course, it wasn’t always like this. I was a mess.
I was a seeker for decades. But, all the beliefs I tried on fell flat and couldn’t stand the test of time or truth, and I was a mess.
I lived pretending… that I was happy, evolved, special, even enlightened. I didn’t understand that I was pretending, but there was always something holding me back… niggles of doubts, envy, chronic health issues and pain, a lack of truth to back everything I believed in up. Things just not working out, and so much more.
Oh the drama, the aching lonely heart, the brokenness inside… a feeling that something was so very missing from the outwardly successful life I lived.
What if I told you that God made us that way? With an empty place inside, that we strive our whole lives trying to fill… with money, success, dreams, relationships.
But this space, this feeling something is not quite right, that something is missing, that there must be more to life than what we’re living… is tethered… reserved… for only one thing, and we’re destined to seek it until we find it, even if it’s in our dying breath.
Maybe you can relate to this? That never ending quest to find the elusive sense of peace and happiness. Sure maybe there are glimpses of it now and then, but it’s fleeting… gone the next moment… the next hour or day.
I found moments of it, healing and trying to recreate myself in painting. But, after a period of time I began to feel restless and questioned the meaning of it all – of my life and my new age/spiritual beliefs. While art opened up a new world to me, I still felt a deep loneliness and the self-absorption of creativity kept me bound living in the ways of the world.
Eventually, something I never could have imagined began to happen. An answer to deep prayers. Deep heart-felt, tear-stained prayers…
A calling to invite a relationship with Christ… I tentatively sought ways to do this and it took months to finally reach out.
Months where this longing grew stronger day-by-day, and I was haunted by a phrase I had heard in a movie, ‘You need to get right with God.’
“You need to get right with God.”
“You need to get right with God!”
The words took hold and began to grow roots…
Finally, I walked one day into a church community that immediately felt like family. It felt like it was mine. In all the years I studied different philosophies, none really felt like mine. This one did.
I felt it deeply inside of me… this quickening that overtook me. Tears flowed in song and service and people.
A strength. A light… that sustained and burned bright each and every day I studied scripture, learned to really pray, and joined in fellowship… and continues holding true day-after-day in unceasing glory.
My first bible study assignment on the road to baptism…
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
~ John 1:1
This poetic lover of word heart of mine… swooned and I read it over and over and over. It went right into my heart and from that moment on, the bible, the scriptures, the gospels came alive in me.
God’s Word went into the heart of this woman… and I am forever changed.
I am raised again in the newness of life. New eyes to see… new ears to hear… a new heart to really live fully… even on the quiet nothing planned kind of days, except maybe a respite with a book, under a blanket, on the couch… there is this immense gratitude and inner peace, breathing with a full heart, filled up on Grace.
Don’t get me wrong. Life is not a piece of cake now. I still have my challenges, my tests, and God’s fire refining me… in so many ways. I still have so much growing to do. But now, I view my messiness, my imperfections, my trials as opportunities to grow my faith stronger and to grow closer to God. There is a source of strength inside now that was lacking before.
I guess you could say I’m no longer a seeker, because I have found what has been calling to me even as a young girl…I have been filled up and ready to pour out… rooted in faith… a deep conviction… backed up and supported by the longest living breathing Book, and the miracles it has performed for those who believe… time and time again… century after century.
I’ve fallen down on my knees in tearful thanksgiving for the ways I’ve been changed, the ways in which His grace worked to heal relationships, turn my life inside and out, and set it on a new course.
I’ve been married by His Grace… to the greatest love of my life and this was truly a most glorious day. Now I have three families to love with all my heart… mine… his… and HIS in Christ.
It would be pure Grace to walk with you a bit… to sing with you, to read with you, to share in the glory and sacredness of every day living with you.
Because, “In the beginning was the Word” and the Word has come to the heart of this woman… will It come to yours? I’ll hold the space for you here, that you might hear the knock on the door to your heart.
~ Kiernan Antares
“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.”
~Ernest Boyer, Jr.